It’s no big secret that this whole parenting thing is…challenging. You’ve committed to being responsible for the health, happiness, and wellbeing of another human. It’s tough and you want to make sure that your child is living their best life. A major part of doing this is making sure that their mental health is just as stable as their physical health. Just like adults, kids will experience anxiety from time to time. It’s a completely normal part of growing up. They may experience anxiety when trying something new, meeting new people, or having an experience that they find stressful.
It can be difficult to differentiate between anxiety that is normal and anxiety that you need to take a deeper look at because kids don’t have a way to articulate what this feeling is. As adults, we know what we’re feeling and we are better equipped to express those feelings. Kids don’t know what anxiety is. They don’t have the words to tell us “I feel anxious when you leave me at daycare”. So they show us with their behaviors. They cry and have tantrums. They become confrontational.
Kids will throw behaviors at us that could be indicative of a laundry list of problems, so anxiety is not always the first thing that comes to mind when our kids act in these ways. Kids experience a variety of states of anxiety, starting from birth, and it can be extremely frightening if these feelings are not acknowledged by parents. As a result, many kids will channel their anxious feelings into meltdowns and defiance. Parents will then respond to this with discipline and even anger, making the child’s feelings of loneliness, sadness, or fear worse. This, in turn, deepens their anxiety and creates a vicious cycle in which no one is happy.
We know that anxiety if left untreated, can become worse and eventually can lead to other mental health issues later in life. As a parent, what can you do to help recognize, and ultimately treat, anxiety in your child before it becomes a greater problem that plagues them throughout their life?
The following signs and symptoms can help you observe possible anxious behaviors in your child that are greater than what would be considered normal for your child’s age and stage of development.
Poor memory or difficulty concentrating
Crying
Opposition or defiance
Restlessness, irritability or tantrums
Constant worry about things that could happen or things that have already happened
Negative thought patterns, imagining the worst outcome will happen
Anger
Being rigid or inflexible
Difficulty falling or staying asleep
Frequent nightmares or night terrors
Physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, or fatigue with no medical explanation
Frequently overexaggerating negatives (for example, “things NEVER go the way I want them to”)
Excessive separation anxiety or clinginess (this could look like a negative behavior that causes a parent to cancel plans so they won’t leave)
Eating disturbances (for example, not wanting to be seen while eating, sudden food aversions, etc)
Procrastination
Avoidance behaviors or refusing to go certain places or participate in certain activities
Withdrawal from interactions with others they are close to (friends, family, teachers, etc)
Aggression (this could be less obvious, such as breaking something that belongs to another person on purpose or discreetly pushing a sibling or classmate)
If you recognize 5 or more of these behaviors in your child, your next step would be to make an appointment with your child’s physician to rule out a medical reason for these symptoms. Once your doctor has ruled out any medical issues, then it could be time to look at therapy as a way to help your child cope with their anxiety. There are many evidence-based behavior therapies that are extremely effective in helping kids overcome their anxiety and get back to having fun and enjoying life. When you are ready to learn more about the options available to help your child, please contact me for more information.